to the worlds most entertaining site for laser hair removal! Let’s face it, reading about hair removal in any form is worse than watching the neighbors home movies about their last trip to Walmart. So we’ve decide to spice it up a little so you laugh as you learn. Those of you without a sense of humor can dive right into our morass of information via the links on the right. And for those of you who are just too damn busy to laugh or get educated, I can offer the following summary on laser hair removal:
- It hurts a little
- It costs a lot
- It works for the most part but does not last forever
You can leave now. For the rest of you gentle souls, read on and enjoy your attainment of new found knowledge.
Said the man who had way to much hair
“I’d like you to laser me bare”.
Then the Doctor in awe
At what he just saw,
Said “I’ll start when I figure out where!”
| This was me a few months (and several thousand dollars) ago. I had overindulged in adult beverages the night before and inadvertently used my grandma’s Rogaine instead of tanning lotion. I’ve tried shaving, waxing, creams and voodoo but nothing seems to work as the hair grows right back. Then I discovered laser hair removal. Now I look like this! Ok, it also took a brutal exercise program, a starvation diet and a little photoshop but it’s still kind of looks like me. |   |
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Are you a good candidate for laser hair removal? Answer these two questions: are you a mammal and do you have money? If both of your answers are yes then you are an excellent candidate for laser hair removal treatments. As you can see, the candidate on the far left has copious amounts of hair and qualifies as a mammal. However, when asked about payment he could only provide a half-eaten deer carcass and some leftover salmon. He was rejected. |
| Does laser hair removal hurt? The pain is somewhere between brushing a feather across the tip of your…whatever…and walking into the side of an open door. It also depends on where your hair is being removed. For example, your private parts will be more sensitive than your legs…duh! Don’t worry, the pain is nothing that a little analgesic cream and Tylenol can’t alleviate. If you want real pain, try shaving your own back in the mirror! |  |
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What kind of preparation is necessary before my treatments? We used to take new patients into a room, blindfold them and force them to listen to screams and torture chamber sounds. This way they would be prepared when in the actual operating room. However, new advances in soundproofing have eliminated this need. Now all we ask is a signature on the 35 page disclaimer form that our lawyers have so graciously carved onto a grain of rice. Not to worry though, you’ll only be liable for costs associated with ambulatory services should we inadvertently laser off a limb. |
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What do I need to do after the treatment? Get back to work fast! You’re going to need the money. Also, your skin might be a little sensitive so I recommend avoiding burlap clothing for a few days. You might experience a little redness but you can always say you got sunburned on the beach in Aruba so no one knows how hairy you really are underneath those clothes. |
| What are the risks associated with laser hair removal? Whoa…I’m not allowed to even mention these due to my current predicament with the American Medical Association. Suffice to say they are burning your hair follicles with a laser beam until they are dead! If you want to know all the risks then read the grain of rice they gave you at the beginning. |  |
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How many treatments will I need? How much money have you got? These guys are almost as bad as chiropractors but at least with hair removal you can see the results. It takes 5 or 6 trips just to get it all removed as hair grows at different rates (who knew?). Then there are maintenance treatments, kind of like a 60,00 mile check-up on your car where you pay a fortune just to maintain the status quo. Find a clinic that you like because you’re going to be seeing a lot of each other. |
| How much will it cost? It depends, everyone is different, it’s impossible to tell…blah…blah…blah. Once you sign up you become a recurring revenue stream. You can pay as you go or opt for the special multi-treatment discount package. Either way, hang onto your wallet and cancel this years vacation. |  |
| How do I find a good clinic? How else…Google and Yelp! This is a money making business so there is a lot of competition which is good and bad. Prices can be negotiated but there are also a lot of sloppy practitioners. Don’t get lazy, do your homework and don’t use this guy. |  |